A Weirdsville Story

I raced down the hall as if my life depended on it. The fluorescent lights above me flickered. I could register the muffled voices from the rooms on either side of the hall, but I couldn't make out what they were saying over my own ragged panting and the thud of my feet on the linoleum floor. I saw the door coming up on my right closing slowly. NO! I threw myself at it and literally slammed into the door.

The entire class stared at me as the door burst back open behind Mr. Bishop. He whipped around and I winced as the door hit the back wall with a bang and swung back into place. I straightened and tried to pretend that I hadn't just hit the door hard enough to bruise my shoulder.

"I guess that makes you on time." Mr. Bishop had recovered and was trying to look disapproving but mostly looked amused. "But consider this a warning about running in the halls."

"Yes sir." I felt my face heating up.

"Go ahead and take a seat, Miss. Roads." I nodded. He only called his students by their last name when he was trying not to laugh. He's one of my younger teachers, somewhere in that nebulous age of over twenty and under forty. I think it's his way of trying to say professional. I hurried over to my seat and dropped my backpack under the table.

"You okay?" Jessica leaned over and whispered. "You hit that door pretty hard."

"Yeah, I'm good." I rubbed my shoulder with a grimace and glanced at my friend. The lighting made her look even tanner than usual, and her curly brown hair gave her a slightly feral appearance. I sighed. "You have twigs in your hair again."

"I do?" She reached up and immediately found one. She pulled it out, wincing slightly as it caught her hair. "Ouch." I rolled my eyes. I couldn't figure out why Jessica didn't swing by my house when this happened. I was closer to school so she wouldn't be late. "Did I get them?" I returned my gaze to Jessica. She was staring at me with wide light brown (almost yellow) eyes as she patted down her hair.

"The obvious ones." I answered. "If you need to come by my house tomorrow morning to get ready for school, feel free."

"Uh, I'm good." Jessica assured me. I frowned.

"Well, offer stands." I shrugged. Tonight was the last night of the full moon, so she'd probably show up covered in mud and twigs again.
​
"If we're quite done." Mr. Bishop's irritated voice cut through our conversation. "Maybe I could start my lecture on the Revolutionary War?" We turned back to the front of the room. Mr. Bishop gae us a look and started talking. "It might surprise you to hear that our founding fathers weren't on the same page with a lot of things. In fact, if you get them all in one room, you're liable to find yourself in the middle of a shouting match." He shuddered slight, giving me a good idea of what he'd been doing last night. 

I’ve always known our town was weird. I just assumed that everyone else did too. Wolves howl on the outskirts but only on full moons. My history teacher refers to long dead figures as if he’d talked to them the night before. The woman who I always wave at on my way home has a giant red stain spread over the center of her nice white blouse. Every. Single. Day. So yes, this town isn’t exactly subtle about being strange. Is it wrong to assume that it was an open secret everyone is in on?
 


I pushed in the library doors displaying the hours (8 am to 4 am daily) and walked up to nice, old Ms. Bobbin, the night librarian. There was a photo on her desk of a New Years party from 1952, clearly showing Ms. Bobbin looking exactly the same, from her snowy white hair to her soft smile revealing sharp teeth.

“Hello Melody,” She patted her mouth daintily with a napkin and putting aside the thermos she’d been drinking from. “What can I do for you?” She smiled at me like a sweet, carnivorous grandmother with a smear of red that was either from her lipstick or her beverage marring the white of her teeth.

“I got an email that said my book on thermodynamics came in.” I loosened my scarf in the warmth of the library but did not take it off.

“Oh, let’s see.” She got up and walked over to the holds shelf behind the desk. “Here it is. Oh my, it looks awfully advanced.” She pulled out a thick book with lava flow on the cover.

“It’s extra credit for my AP Science class.” I explained. I accepted the book and handed her my library card for check out.

“That’s nice, dear.” She smiled, fumbling slightly with the computer.

A man burst through the doors behind me. “I need a copy of the Necronomicon!” He panted.

“Second aisle on your left, dearie.” Ms. Bobbin called, frowning over the screen. He tore off in that direction, his boots thudding on the rug.

“Hope he didn’t summon anything too bad.” I commented, only half joking, as I tucked the book into my backpack.

“Yes…” She agreed absently, staring after him in a way that made me think she hadn’t heard me. “Excuse me, dear. I have to make a call.” She handed me back my library card and picked up the phone on her desk.

“Alright, have a nice night, Ms. Bobbin.” I walked out the door with a single glance back at the aisle the man vanished down.


​ 
When my dad turned on the news the next morning I saw that, late last night, there had been a car fire with one fatality downtown. I glanced at the screen over my cereal. I can’t say I was entirely surprised that the photo they were showing was of the man who had run into the library. Poor guy, I thought as I finished my cereal. I grabbed my backpack and left for school. 

Hello everyone!

So last year I participated in NaNoWriMo. This year I am doing so again. However, I won't be working on a cohesive novel. Instead I will be working to pad out my Super-Verse. My brain is so far ahead on their stories that going back to actually write them always feels very time consuming, but it just has to get done! 

The good news is that since it's not a cohesive novel you are all much more likely to get updates! I must admit. Since I'm so far ahead mentally, the timeline might be a bit confusing, but I'll do my best and maybe even post a timeline so that it's easier to follow. I hope that everyone enjoys Red Queen, Stevis, Mister Machine, Sgt. Solar, Mecha Man, Blink, Miss. Melody, Shade, Marilyn Gold, Cyanide (who might be one of the most complicated people I've ever created), Blackbird, and so many others. This universe started as my "superhero clue" which was an idea I had to write in second person years ago to see if the reader could figure out which of their friends was a superhero. I received mixed opinions for the second person narrative but my heroes continued to flourish in the back of my mind, always feed by the influx of new Superhero media that has been coming out lately. 

So... Here is a very small taste of what is to come. 



BATTLE BROS (yes, I still like alliteration)

Sgt. Solar grit his teeth. A swarm. Fantastic. He was too old for this. He briefly wondered if this was a result of science run amok or magic. Either way, the massive cloud of buzzing, six-foot long insects were more than he could handle on his won.

He became aware of a whine growing in intensity over the buzzing. A familiar sound. Sgt. Solar relaxed slightly. The whine cut out abruptly and a man made entirely of metal landed beside him with a muffled clang. Small thrusters folded back into the side of the legs seamlessly. The silver face turned towards him, shining in the midday sun.

“Looks like you could use an exterminator.” The voice, though human, sounded as if it were coming through a high quality speaker.

“Are you volunteering, Mister Machine?” Sgt. Solar grinned. The cyborg was completely encased in metal, not an inch of skin showing.

“I don’t mind squashing a few pests.” Machine’s voice sounded amused despite the expressionless metal face. “I might have added a bug bomb or two in here.” Sgt. Solar felt the ground shifting. He moved away from it slightly as it parted, revealing a slightly bedraggled Stevis.

“This look like they could be from another planet, right?” The interplanetary defender squinted at the swarm.
“I don’t know, in New York roaches can get to be the size of a dog.” Mister Machine teased the alien. Stevis beamed.

“Oh good, these are much bigger than a dog. The council would believe I thought they were from another planet.” Sgt. Solar wasn’t positive that Mister Machine snorted, but it was the only sound that made sense in response to their slightly ignorant friend.

“Yeah, alien, let’s go with that.” Red Queen dropped from literally nowhere to land beside Mister Machine. A pair of Persian scimitars was in her hands, a billowing red cloth attached to the bottom of each. She spun one of them effortlessly. “Bet I get more than you.”

“You’re on!” Machine’s voice rose with the challenge.

“What do you say we work together and show those two what teamwork can accomplish, Stevis.” Sgt. Solar suggested.

“Whatever you say!” Stevis grinned, and raised the earth around him to form intimidating jagged weapons. Sgt. Solar rose into the air, his hands glowed with the light from the sun itself.
​
He didn’t have to face this alone. They weren’t an official team. But his friends would always have his back. They moved as one to meet the swarm. Mister Machine flying, Red Queen running faster than any human had a right to, and Stevis impossibly riding a wave of earth. Sgt. Solar smiled. And enthusiastically joined in the fray. 

The ninth installment of Out of the Shadows.

John Howle missed coffee. He glared at the pathetic brew in the coffee pot he'd been forced to buy. No, not just coffee, he missed coffee from Joan's Joe. Despite the fact that he had gone to the coffee shop and bought a cup twice a day for the past two days. He still hadn't gotten his caffeine fix. The reason he found himself so appallingly deprived was as infuriating as it was petty.

Felicity was mad at him.

Three days ago, the enigma known as Felicity Doran had informed him that she was attending the event hosted by Senator Winston that weekend and asked him to sign a pass for her to enter the building. He'd known what she was really asking. Everyone at these events underwent a background check, one much more through than the one he'd run on her when she'd first began working across the street. If he issued her a pass, the background check would be waived.

The idea was ludicrous. He and Felicity might have a... unique working dynamic, but he was in charge of security. He wasn't about to allow an unknown factor like Felicity free reign of an area with so much sensitive material. If she wanted in, she'd have to submit to the background check, hope that her cover was good enough, and deal with the extra security that he was definitely putting on the event now. He hadn't fully realized the repercussions of saying no until the next morning when Felicity finished preparing his coffee, smiled at him sweetly, and popped the lid on without taking a sip first.

It had taken him three hours trying to drink it before he'd given up and tossed the cardboard cup, and its contents, into the garbage. He hadn't managed a single mouthful, not when he thought of all of the things Felicity might have added to it every time he brought the drink to his lips. That night, Felicity did the same thing, smiling at him and making a show of placing the lid on the cup without taking a sip.

Howle suspected she hadn't done a thing to his drink. Logically, she wouldn't. They had a repertoire, an understanding of sorts. After all, he could make her life very difficult if he wanted to, but he didn't. And she could dose his drink anytime with something she was immune to or had the antidote for, but she didn't. None of that stopped the information he had on poisons from flooding every time he tried to drink the coffee. The next day was the same. Today he’d bought a coffee pot. He’d been tempted to throw the thing against the wall when it produced a liquid that tasted both burnt and too weak to be called coffee.
 
He didn’t have time for this. There was an Indian national that Howle was almost positive had a price on his head coming for a clandestine meeting with General Morris and Howle had to figure out how to juggle his staff so he’d always have a guard on him without anyone working out the man was actually there. In addition to that, he had meetings with security details from four different countries. This was not a good day for Felicity to be acting like a child.
 
When Sally walked in with her usual paperwork that needed his signature, the first thing Howle noticed was the paper cup in her hand. His eyes locked on the logo for Joan’s Joe. “Wow, you look awful.” She flushed as she realized how insulting her words sounded. “I mean, are you alright?”
 
“Just a little caffeine deprived.” He answered. Sally took the hint and placed the cup on his desk.
 
“I only took a few sips. You should be fine if you take off the lid.” She said, adjusting her papers to find what she was looking for. Only Sally would hand over her coffee to him instead of being intimidated. Howle pulled the top off the cup and practically inhaled the coffee.
 
Which is why he didn’t register the scent of cyanide until halfway through his third swallow.
 
He choked; dropped the cup and started coughing up the poison. “John!” Sally cried losing her grip on the files as she rushed around the desk to stand beside him, hand out stretched, ready to help. “Are you okay?” As Howle’s lungs cleared of the liquid he realized that there couldn’t have been cyanide in the drink. He wasn’t experiencing any of the symptoms and Sally said she’d had some and was fine. Howle frowned and grabbed the cup from the middle of the brown stain spreading on his carpet. He sniffed it and it definitely smelled like cyanide.
 
“Did Felicity put anything in this?” He asked, turning to Sally.
 
“Um, yeah. She offered to let me try some almond sweetener for free.” Her eyes widened. “You aren’t allergic to nuts, are you?”
 
Howle assured her he wasn’t. Any admiration he might have for Felicity’s creativity was overcome by irritation. Cyanide and almonds had similar smells, which meant that Felicity had just tricked him into wasting a perfectly good cup of coffee without even being in the building.
 
That night, when Howle went to get a coffee on the off chance Teddy would take his order, he was confronted by an almost gleeful Joan. “What did you do to tick her off?” She asked, the ever-present twang in her voice becoming more pronounced as she tried to curb her amusement.
 
“It’s complicated.” He growled as he watched Felicity neatly snag his cup from Teddy and start filling it herself.
 
“He won’t clear me for the event with Sally.” Felicity clarified shortly.
 
“What?” Teddy fumbled with the cups he was stacking, fortunately they weren’t the mugs. “Does Sally know?”
 
“Oh, Felicity can go.” Howle smirked. It was a low blow but he was going on three days without coffee, and it wasn’t like he was lying. “She just has to submit to the background check.” Joan’s eyebrows shot up. Teddy tossed his friend a confused glance, and Felicity glared at him.
 
“Oh?” Joan’s eyes sparkled. “You got something to hide, sugar?” She looked positively delighted and Howle felt a kind of smug satisfaction that Felicity was going to be grilled by her boss until she made up something that satisfied her.
 
“Everyone’s got something to hide. You know that, Joan.” She answered lightly, as if that would get her off the hook.
 
“I’ll keep it completely confidential.” He assured them, his smirk widening. Felicity must have been about ready to throttle him. She slammed the cup down in front of him.
 
“I like my privacy.” She said through gritted teeth. Howle shrugged.
 
“Then you can’t go to the event.” He turned and walked out, leaving the coffee but feeling strangely invigorated. Through the window he could see a livid Felicity, confused Teddy, and Joan in such a fit of belly laughter he could hear it through the glass.
 
 
 
He was facing a mutiny. Felicity and Teddy were refusing to sell coffee to anyone on his staff. When asked why, they were told to ask him. (Apparently Joan found the entire business to hysterical to be bothered by how it would affect her sales.) His staff was dealing with it in a range of ways, from mild resentment to his computer expert, Jessica Jane, streamlining energy drinks that were making her twitchy enough to snap at everything that move. Suffice to say, no one was in a good mood that day, and they weren’t as productive as they should have been.
 
That was when Howle decided it was time to call a ceasefire. His people needed to always be on their toes, petty grievances or not.
 
When John Howle walked into Joan’s Joe that evening, his eyes were hard and his shoulders tense. Felicity noticed immediately and fell into a subtle ready stance with the ease of instinct. She eyed him warily as he approached the counter. “Listen to me, Felicity. I can’t issue you a pass.” Anger flashed in the barista’s eyes and she opened her mouth. “You aren’t listening, Felicity.” He cut her off before she could start. “I can’t sign a pass for you.” Comprehension softened her face even as her eyes widened and lips parted in surprise. “I’m glad we understand each other.” Howle turned and walked out of the café without ordering anything.
 
The next day Howle found Felicity Doran listed as Sally Turner’s plus one with approval granted by General Ian Morris, which was reason enough to forgo the usual background check. His staff was sufficiently caffeinated and the day passed quickly. He soon found himself walking into Joan’s Joe. Felicity looked up as he entered. She watched him come up to the counter.
 
“General Morris must like you.” He commented casually She didn’t say anything, still watching him. He understood why. He had the power to order a background check despite any approval she might get. That was probably why she came directly to him in the first place. “Security’s going to be a nightmare to organize on Saturday.” Felicity relaxed, taking this for the consent that it was, and started making his coffee. She took a sip and popped the lid in place.
 
“On the house.” She said, placing it in front of him.
 
“Good, because you owe me six.” Howle picked up the cup and finally took a sip without worrying about a thing.
 
As he left, he distinctly heard Teddy laughing. “All this for something you don’t actually want to go to.”
 
“Oh, can it. It’s for Sally.” Felicity snapped good-naturedly.
 
Howle smiled to himself. Security really was going to be headache inducing to arrange, but at least now he had coffee to help him through it.

So there they were. Drifting through space. Waiting for their air to run out. Just the five of them and the void.

“I cheated on the proficiency exam for engineering.” Telan blurted out suddenly. The others looked at him. He ran his hands nervously through his hair. He was covered in soot and looked almost black. "I know it was wrong and I swear I know all the answers! It's just..." He looked up at them with pleading orange eyes that were made more luminous by the dark grime coating his skin. “I freeze up on tests." No one said anything for a long moment. Telan let his head fall in shame, looking small with his back pressed against the wall of the insulated cargo container.

“Telan, I've seen you rebuild the engine with a wrench, string, and what looked like cotton candy.” Telan opened his mouth to explain exactly what the 'cotton candy' was but Ceno held up one scaled hand to stop him. "I don't want to know what it was. My point is that you are- were a valuable member of the crew, and if you had to cheat to get here, I'm glad you did." Ceno seemed to realize what she'd just said. "Not that I'm glad that you're stuck here." She deflated slightly as she remembered where they were. Telan smiled, ducking his head has fully even as his eyes glistened with tears.

Meanwhile the gravity of the situation was truly setting in for the others. "If cheating on a test is the worst thing you've ever done, you've got nothing to worry about, kid." A gruff voice assured him. All eyes turned to Wilt, a big man, who had been a janitor on the ship. He laughed at their surprise. "Don't be so shocked. When you're a janitor it is astonishing what you learn... You wouldn't believe what you learn." His face darkened. "Or the temptation to use that knowledge when you do." Ceno was staring at him with new eyes.

"You're the blackmailer." The former head of security breathed. Wilt laughed hollowly.

"What are you going to do, Ceno? Throw me in the brig?" He asked. Ceno bit a scaly lip. “You arrest people for doing the wrong thing. I just make them pay in another way.” His voice lacked conviction and he just sounded like a tired old man with too many regrets.

She understood regret. “It’s not my place to judge you.” She answered, her voice strained. Wilt frowned at her. “Not with what I was involved in before I came aboard.” She choked. Telan reached out with a hesitant hand and touched her shoulder. Ceno leaned into the gesture and Telan could feel her trembling. It was a far cry from the resolute chief of security they all knew. Ceno seemed to realize this, because she drew a shuddering breath and straightened her shoulders. “I’ve carried this with me far too long.” She said more steadily. “And someone else should know, even if they are going at the same time I am.” She looked around at each of them before she focused her stare on the opposite wall. “You remember the shootings on Kelvas 9?” She asked dully. The others nodded slowly. Kelvas 9 had suffered mass casualties from insurgent attacks. “It wasn’t insurgents. It was the military.” Ceno began to cry. She showed absolutely no signs of it save the wet streams now trailing down her face. “We didn’t know. We were just following orders.” Ceno scoffed, full of disgust for herself and her fellow soldiers. “As if that’s an excuse.” She swallowed. “When we learned the truth, myself and four others killed our CO.” A bitter smile curled around her mouth. “We made it look like insurgents. It seemed fitting since he labeled so many innocents as insurgents to have us murder them for him.” Ceno clenched her jaw. “But the worst thing we did, was cover it up. The fact that the military had been killing civilians would have only created more bloodshed. It would have dragged innocent soldiers through the mud.” Her hands clenched. “Covering the entire thing up wasn’t right but-” Ceno’s voice cracked. Suddenly there were arms around her. Telan was hugging her tightly, like the little brother she’d never had. Wilt had a fatherly hold around her shoulder; and Rak, who had remained silent up until now, had moved across the cargo container to gently hold one of her hands in both of his. Everyone was quiet for a moment. Then Wilt spoke.

“You stopped him from hurting anyone else. You protected your fellow soldiers. No one could ask for anything else.” Ceno met Wilt’s weary eyes.

“You already knew.” She whispered, staring at the old man. “And you didn’t…”

“Blackmail?” The corners of his mouth lifted in a small smile. “I can only blackmail someone if they did something wrong.” Telan’s arms tightened as he nodded into her shoulder, and Rak squeezed her hand in support. After a moment, she relaxed. When the small group finally separated, Ceno felt lighter than she had in years.

Wilt cleared his throat and turned to Konak, the feathered weapons officer. “I think you have something to say as well.” Konak glared at him sourly.

“Right, blackmailer.” He growled. “I want my money back.”

“Wouldn’t do you much good now.” Telan pointed out, still sitting next to Ceno, leaning on her supportively.

Konak scoffed at the boy, then, under the heavy glare of Wilt, he heaved a massive sigh. “Fine, it’s not as if it matters now. Plus, nothing looks bad after Ceno’s little revelation.” Everyone glared at him. “I was dating Kiri.” He admitted. “And Lili. And Jin… Koni and Mi and Shif.” The others were torn between judging him and pitying him as the tears began to fall. They had all lost people today. Their ship, their entire crew, was gone. Konak was sobbing now. The sound filled the cargo container. No one said anything. Gradually, Konak’s grief wound itself down to hiccupping sobs, then sniffles, he couldn’t stop his tears.

“I love you, Ceno.” Rak suddenly broke the tension that had filled the container. Everyone looked at him. He flushed to his ice blue hair and dropped his ivory eyes. “I just thought you should know…” He mumbled. An awkward silence ensued. Then Telan cleared his throat.

“And what about you, Whiley?” He asked the one person who hadn’t spoken. She was one of the new recruits on the ship, they didn’t know her well, and now they never would. “What do you have to get off your chest?”

“Me? Nothing I’m telling you.” She laughed. Everyone stared at her. Whiley was trying to pull her tangled braid apart, she must have been doing it the whole time. “You are all confessing to these things because you think we are all going to die.” She shrugged, and gave up on the snarled white, soot-streaked hair, tossing it behind her. “Yeah, the chances of survival are pretty much non-existent, but on the off chance that it happens, you all have to live with the rest of us knowing your secrets.” Whiley leaned back and laced her fingers behind her head. “I’m not taking that chance.” The instant she finished speaking the cargo container jolted, sending its occupants sprawling against one wall. Sound echoed through the space as the container shifted again and settled. They were all groaning as they disentangled themselves from each other. They looked around, though there were no windows or readouts to give them their baring. Then it happened.

Knock knock knock.

They stared at the wall. Telan jumped violently when the panel unsealed with a hiss of air. All of them stared in shock as the door opened to reveal a hairless humanoid on two legs.

“Oh, excellent.” He grinned. “I thought there were life forms in here, but my instruments were giving me particular readings.” The man squared his shoulders. “Well, if that wreckage out there is your’s it seems that you lot need a new ship. Since I need a few more crew members, this works out rather well, wouldn’t you agree?” His statement was met with silence. He frowned. Then Telan started laughing hysterically.

“She was right!” He gasped, pointing at Whiley who was wearing a smug expression. “My god, she was right!” Ceno put a hand on Telan’s shoulder to indicate he should calm down before moving past him.

“I am Ceno Cantar of the Dyron Fleet.” She introduced herself.

“Name’s Fin.” The man introduced himself. “Your new captain.”

The eight installment of Out of the Shadows.

Sally practically skipped into the coffee shop three hours before her usual coffee run. She went straight for Felicity. “What are you doing this Saturday?” Sally asked her.

“I was going to fix my TV.” Felicity answered, eyeing the younger woman. “Now I’m guessing I am doing something with you instead.”

“Bingo!” Sally produced a ticket and scrap of paper with a flourish. “You’re coming to Senator Winston’s fundraiser with me.”

“I really don’t think-” Felicity began.

“It’s black tie, pick me up at four.” Sally pointed at the address on the paper. “Come early if you don’t have anything nice to wear.” Sally beamed at Felicity so brightly that the former assassin was temporarily blinded. “Don’t be late!” Sally turned and hurried from the café. Felicity was temporarily stunned. She looked at Teddy and Sasha who had watched the whole thing with amusement.

“What just happened?” Felicity had undergone interrogations that she felt more in control of than that conversation.

Teddy chuckled. “You, my friend, have just been shanghaied into the dreaded ‘plus one’ work function.”

“How?” Felicity asked, bewildered. When exactly had she lost her edge so completely that she could be ambushed by a college intern?

“She cut you off before you could say no.” Sasha grinned.

“But I didn’t say yes!” Felicity protested.

“True,” Sasha agreed. “But how will she feel if you don’t show up?” Felicity stared at her. Then, to Teddy’s surprise, Felicity swore. She had been well and truly cornered. Felicity grabbed the ticket and the address and stalked into the backroom. She had no idea where she was going to find an appropriate dress before Saturday.
Sasha watched her go. “I ship it.” She stated.

“What?!” Teddy yelped, dropping the mug he’d been drying off. “Sasha, you can’t ship real people!” He hissed with a panicked look where Felicity had disappeared.

“Too bad.” Sasha had the sort of grin on her face that he associated with her fanfiction consumption. “I ship it. Salicity forever.” Teddy suppressed a groan. He knew that she’d been disappointed with their utter failure setting Felicity up on speed dates, but this was ridiculous.

He opened his mouth to dissuade the fangirl, only to close it when Felicity walked back in the café. She was still muddled enough that she didn’t notice the new way that Sasha was looking at her. Teddy’s mind scrambled for ways to keep Sasha away from Felicity (and Sally), while he swept up the mess. How could he protect someone from a shipper? Teddy groaned. They were all doomed.

A new Out of the Shadows...


Felicity had a bad habit of underestimating civilians. It was perfectly reasonable. they didn't have her skills. They didn't know how to kill, cheat, or steal. So, she had assumed they also didn't know how to manipulate, trick, and lie as convincingly as a politician covering his butt. It had never been so humiliating to be proven wrong.

Felicity gaped at the banner hanging over the bar that read "Film-ophile Speed Dating". She spun on Teddy. "You said this was a Cinema Critic activity Sasha couldn't attend!" She snarled accusingly.

"It is... sorta." Teddy smirked. "She organized it, so she can't participate." Similar mischievous grins were on the faces of the rest of the Critics.

"You're all in on this, aren't you?" Felicity demanded, grabbing the ends of her hair and pulling it taunt. Joan letting us go early. Me missing lunch so I'll accept a free dinner. Even Sally canceling the movies with me because of work!"

"No, actually Sally made plans with you to keep us from doing this." Teddy frowned. "We had to ask General Morris to get Senator Winston to keep her late." Felicity made a mental note to buy Sally a fruit basket, or a card, or whatever you got friends who protected you from speed dating.

"I'm leaving." Felicity turned on her heel to stomp out. She found herself immediately glomped by five Cinema Critics while she valiantly suppressed her instincts to kill them all.

"Don't go!" Valerie cried, clinging to her arm.

"It's for your own good!" Taylor added, his arms awkwardly around Valerie to get a hold on her.
 
"We aren't letting you leave." Teddy's grip tightened around her neck, in a strange combination of a chokehold and a backwards hug. Felicity considered her options. She could escape. She could probably even do it without hurting anyone... But Teddy would find her at work. They all could find her at work, and it seemed that Joan was involved too, which meant that she could send her straight into a trap disguised as an errand (which was a horrible abuse of power, but she was the owner so who was going to stop her?). Her best course of action was probably to just go alone with it and hope they lost interest once they'd been appeased.

"You are all terrible people." Felicity stated in as dry a voice as possible. The Critics collectively released a half cheer, half sigh of relief. They pulled away, but remained close enough to be able to grab her if she made a break for it.

"We might be terrible people, but we're awesome friends." Teddy informed her with brotherly sadism as he dragged her to a table by the neck using one arm. Felicity was sure it looked like a friend guiding a reluctant buddy instead of the calculated kidnapping it was.

"No, you're terrible." Felicity reiterated flatly. Her words had no affect on the Critics, who beamed at her between their own conversations. Felicity was beginning to feel like the club's unofficial mascot. Sasha's eyes positively lit up when she saw Felicity.

"You got her!" She squealed. She seized both of Felicity's hands and practically bounced in place before she pulled the resistant Felicity to the center of the room.

"You're going to be right here." Sasha declared, sitting her down at a two person table. Lori and Cat sat at the tables on either side of her, presumable to box her in. How cute, they were trying to trap her. She'd never thought people she wanted to kill were adorable before. Sasha was beaming at her widely. Felicity shifted slightly.

The tables around them began to fill. Felicity order a bourbon, neat. Sasha began her role as a bubbly hostess. "Welcome everyone! You've all filled out the personality flyers!" Across the room Teddy waved a piece of paper he must have filled out for her. She glowered at him. "So while we rate those, begin! Remember, opening questions must be related to movies!"

And so the torture commenced.
 

Date 1: Awful
Felicity thought this man was a few years too old to be at college speed dating. And what kind of guy said their favorite genre was RomCom? A guy trying to get laid. Pass!
 
Date 2: Awkward
Felicity was pretty sure he was intimidated by her. They pretty much sat in silence until Sasha came by and tried to encourage conversation between them by asking questions. All she got was one word answers from either side.
 
Date 3: Pretentious
He said his favorite movie was Citizen Kane.
 
Date 4: Actually kinda fun... in a purely platonic, little brother, way
They talked about scifi and thrillers, and moved on to why they were there. He'd been dragged by his friends because they thought he needed to get over his recent break up. Felicity reminded him of his older sister. She eagerly suggested they use each other to escape the dating by pretending they were going to go out... Unfortunately Lori had a particularly boring date and was evesdropping. She signaled Shasha and the bell rang forty-five seconds early. The little brother figure was dragged away and immediately replaced with...

Date 5: Annoying.
Felicity was sulking about losing her new little brother figure, and this new guy kept trying to talk to her.
 
Date 6: Weird
Opened with "Heaven must be missing an angel." Ended with "It seems you've lost your number, don't worry, you can have mine."
 
Date 7: The Worst
He kept getting her her personal space. He grabbed her hand, she pulled it away. He nudged her foot, she tucked her feet behind the legs of her chair. She started mentally counting all of the ways she could kill him. She was at fourteen, and ready to execute number four if the hand inching towards her thigh made contact, when Sasha "accidentally" whacked him in the head with her clipboard while she was walking by.
 
Date 8: Teddy
Felicity glared at him. Teddy shifted uncomfortably. After a full minute of strained silence Teddy broke.
"Say something." He begged.
"I hate you." Felicity said flatly. Teddy laughed, there was only the slightest note of unease, so Felicity continued. "I want to kill you, but I keep reminding myself I'll regret it if I actually do." She paused. "I'm not sure why I'll regret it, but I'm sure I will."
"You'd miss my homemade chili?" Teddy suggested lightly, clearly unaware of the danger he was actually in. Felicity's glare sharpened.
"Teddy, I have had more enjoyable dates in a detainment facility." Felicity said in a rare moment of honesty. Teddy finally met her eyes and actually flinched, suddenly he was a lot less confident than he had been. "If chili is the only thing saving you. You are in serious danger." Teddy swallowed. Felicity's stare didn't waver.
"I'll track down that Korean film you've been dying to see." He offered. Felicity didn't move. It was unnerving. "I'll give you a new fedora." Teddy had no idea why he was so terrified. This was Felicity. Sure, she was secretive, tough, and vaguely intimidating, but she wouldn't actually hurt anyone. Felicity's hand twitched and Teddy flinched. "I'll get you into that movie shoot Sally was talking about!" Teddy suggested desperately.
Felicity blinked. "Really?" Teddy seized on the interest in her voice.
"Yes!" It would take some doing, and he'd end up owing a few favors, but if he put Felicity in a better mood, maybe this irrational fear would go away. That would be more than worth it.
"Sally too?" Felicity asked suspiciously.
"Yes!" Teddy nodded fervently. Felicity considered it.
"Fine." Teddy sighed as the bell rang. "And Teddy," Felicity added before he got up. "I'll still be taking that movie and hat." Teddy groaned.
The rest of the (awful) dates passed rather quickly. At least one good thing came out of this. Sally was going to be overjoyed.